Getting over an Unfaithful Partner

 Posted on April 05, 2013 in Divorce

Of the multiple grounds for divorce, an affair has the ability to hurt the most.  It breaks down the trust and love that serves as the foundation of a marriage.  It can also bring a lot of negative emotions to the forefront for the spouse that was cheated on.  Anger, disbelief and sadness over this loss can be devastating to this spouse so it is important to understand the overall plan to rebuild after an infidelity.

Dr. Tammy Nelson has outlined three stages that must be reached for a relationship to be reestablished in her new book The New Monogamy: Redefining Your Relationship After Infidelity.  The first phase is the crisis phase.  The crisis comes to a head when the affair is exposed, but it is important to let the emotions pass before making a life altering decision.  It might be hard because the person that you counted on in the past is now a mystery.

The next step will involve understanding the cause of the affair or as it is called by Dr. Nelson as the gaining insight phase.  This is a sign that the anger felt about the infidelity is passing and gradually moving toward acceptance rather than blame.  This would provide an appropriate time to really see if the shared affair can allow for the relationship to continue.

That is the last step and is called the vision phase.  It is an opportunity to recreate the relationship starting from a new foundation.  But it is not always as easy as three steps, but make sure you give your relationship a chance.  If the affair has changed your relationship for the worse, it might be time to move on.  Contact a skilled divorce attorney in Wheaton who can be your advocate during this process.