Counterintuitive Ways to Ease the Emotional Process of Divorce

 Posted on August 07, 2015 in Divorce

When you are going through a divorce, it can seem like the world is falling down around you and you cannot get your bearings to begin a new life. You will likely reach out to your friends and closest family for support during the transition, and rely on age-old wisdom about separation and marital dissolution. Sometimes, however, the most common advice isn't always the best to follow — sometimes doing what seems counterintuitive may actually be best for your sanity, and the future relationship with your ex.

The first thing to avoid when going through a divorce that may seem counterintuitive is to refrain from asking everyone you know for their advice or tips. When a person is going through a major life transition, she often wants and needs to share this transition with as many people as possible in an attempt to lessen the burden. This does not work. Dredging up the details of your failed or failing relationship will only bring them to the forefront in your mind, and the advice that you get from the people around you will only add to the chatter and confusion spinning in your head. Trust your instincts. Only you will know when it is best to move out, and only you can determine the next best steps to take when it comes to the separation of property or drafting a child custody arrangement, for example. Even though it may seem more painful to go it almost alone, it is likely better for your psyche than to share you pain with everyone you see.

Another contrary way to help mitigate the emotional effects of your divorce is to allow yourself to feel the pain — it is all right to feel sorry for yourself and allow yourself to be sad. This can be more difficult if you have children and you have to put your best face forward for them, but do no resist the truth in how sad divorce can sometimes be. You can be sad, however, without feeling as if you need to speak to your ex — he or she will not make you feel better, even if old habits of seeking them out to do so die hard.

If you or someone you know is going through a divorce, the most important step is to seek legal counsel. Do not go through it alone. Contact an experienced DuPage County divorce attorney today.